Raccoons?!?!? Knee socks!?!??!!
Heh, I’m going to guess that some of these are jokes, but i thought this would be fun.
1. Pumpkin is a fucking awesome flavor - what is it with you and not liking everything pumpkin? Well, honestly, pumpkin is a big crop, we need to sell it, and it ties into the holiday season - we only go pumpkin crazy from Sept-Jan at the most.
2. No we don’t. Those are beach or boat shoes, or maybe just kicking around shoes. Everyone has some variation of just simple easy slip-ons for a quick run, that’s the intended purpose.
3. Do you honestly think anyone’s actual bed looks like that? That’s all presentation for like.. guest rooms or when company comes over. No one sleeps like that - complete bullshit.
4. They’re cheap and they’re big enough for beer pong in college. That’s it, just that. For most people, they’re associated with trashy behavior or contained to college.
5. We have a pretty big Mexican population in a lot of the US, so it’s an actual holiday, but like most American holidays, it’s been made to be all about fun. Kind of like how Americans know about Hanukkah but almost nothing about the high holy days, which are more significant overall? Nobody here thinks Taco Bell is authentic, it’s stoner food.
6. It’s fucking awesome. That’s why? It goes in cycles, sour comes up for a while, goes away, comes back, etc.
7. Well, for one, I have seen that overseas a lot, so it’s not just us, and second, that’s not as common as you might think. It’s actually deliberately worn as a joke most times when you see it, or by clueless dads.
8. Most Americans don’t, actually, it’s mostly businesses. And we don’t keep it painfully cold usually, although here in the north, where we have very cold temps, we don’t adapt to heat very well.
9. Because you’re really not “that hilarious” and we’re trying to be polite. Trust me, we’ll laugh if it is funny…
10. Because when we’re not working, we don’t want to wear those fucking uncomfortable shoes and flip flops are there, and cheap. Duh.
11. We don’t actually, that’s a statistical probability based on an individual’s heritage and lifestyle. But if the people hitting on you look older, it’s probably because you do too. Sorry.
12. Because cities carry “cred” okay? If someone is from the suburbs, they’re probably not a brawler, but if you piss someone off from Detroit, Chicago, etc. they’re telling you to back off because they have delivered a beat down or two in their lifetime - so you have a chance to step back from the fight. Some American cities are just rough places, and they aren’t afraid of you, or a good fight.
13. Where you living? They leave doors unlocked in Canada, but not in the states, that’s pretty rare - unless they’re those gated community suckers.
14. I take it you don’t get that while they did attempt to make that legit, it’s mostly a joke. We do like our bacon, but the average American gags at seeing bacon on a cupcake. It’s revolting.
15. Intonation is common to region, you won’t find that in my area, but the thing is, ending in a question format makes the statement more palatable to the listening party. It takes away the declarative sting and opens up the sentence for discussion. It’s the opposite of trying to shut you down.
16. Kids do that, but adults no. You have to give kids more leeway, their vocab is… stupid.
17. I think you left out a few sentence pieces - I assume you mean, why do Americans clap when they get recognized? If it’s with a crowd, that’s just what a lot of people do, to… fit in, I suppose, but yeah, there are assholes who get up and clap for themselves. Some people are narcissistic.
18. Is your movie experience limited to American Pie? Well, because censorship laws, you don’t show the penis, so they can get the shape across without showing the genitals. Fucking duh.
19. Do you mean frozen yogurt? We don’t have soft serve at home. But if you mean regular yogurt, I don’t even think you’re asking a question here, just being strange. What, do you make yours from the cow you own or something?
20. Try again slick. After a lot of overseas travel, we’re actually third on that list, behind the Russians and the Chinese for sheer - loud. But here’s a cultural marker for you - in America, when you whisper, you’re being sneaky or deceptive, so you speak up when you have nothing to hide. It’s why, if I’m being upfront with you, I speak at a normal or even higher volume - I’m not shady. It’s just a cultural thing.
21. We picked that up from some old English shows they used to broadcast here, we didn’t start that, but more likely, you’ll hear, “guvna,” or “top of the morning,” or etc. What do you expect? We have a huge country we never have to leave and most of us never meet tourists, so our experiences with you are limited to what we see in shows and such.
22. Hey, look, the little bastards keep getting in our backyard - I can’t get rid of them! You either mean - dark circles from lack of sleep (we don’t get paid vacation, so don’t bitch about our eyes…) or raccoon eyes (the smokey eye) Because fuck reality tv - that’s why.
23. Culinary cinammon - we either eat, and it deters ant infestations. Non-culinary - it can smell awesome and give the house a nice, chemical free odor.
24. Answered this.